Diary of a green iguana

Editors note: I often complain about the green iguanas around our place, but I thought it would be fun to chronicle events from their point of view.

Today: Great news! I have discovered a new toilet! It is very easy to access because it is surrounded by a flat, smooth rock. I have to be careful when going near it because it is close to the Great Nest of Hostiles. I was resting in a shrub after doing my business and one of the Hostiles came and tried to attack me with a weapon.

The Hostiles like to clean out the toilet. They are very selfish about it because they always chase us away, but they don’t actually use the toilet themselves. Today some of them went into the toilet and got out again. They seem to be teaching a juvenile, using their loud form of communication.

Today: Today I am a proud mother. My young began to climb the surfaces of the Great Nest of Hostiles. When a Hostile approached, they were quick enough to run into the shrubbery where they couldn’t be seen.


Today: I almost used the toilet! I went in for a swim. The Hostiles had left a large plaything in the toilet. While I was in there, one of them entered and perhaps didn’t see me because of the plaything. I was quite terrified of being discovered. I couldn’t relieve myself while I was so terrified. The Hostile swam back and forth in the water, paying no heed to me or the plaything. I was afraid to leave the toilet in case it should see me. I found a pocket of air where I remained and this also helped to hide me from the Hostile.

Today: The Hostiles are very protective of their Great Nest. They patrol one of the alcoves quite regularly, which gives them a view of our activities. Gronk was resting on the same patch of shrubbery where I was attacked. A Hostile began throwing things at him. He hid in the shrubs, but another Hostile started to poke the weapon into the shrubs. Gronk made a narrow escape without any blows to the back of the neck.

We suspect the Hostiles are protecting a nest of young. A large group of them gathered in the toilet one day, taking their hatchlings into it very carefully. Their hatchlings are quite helpless. They are unable to do anything without the help of the adult Hostiles. We haven’t seen any sign of the young Hostiles since that day. They gathered for some time, but after the rain started they all retreated into the Great Nest.

Today: Today we saw juvenile Hostiles with their parent. They are very agile and quick, but they remain in the nest, only leaving with adult Hostiles. They seem to make great use of the toilet, but they don’t use it as we do. They, too, like to immerse themselves, but they don’t relieve themselves. They seem to use it as a source of entertainment. We have seen no sign that they ever relieve themselves. Perhaps they use the sea as some other creatures do. We have seen Hostiles entering the sea.

After the juveniles left the area, we attempted to use the toilet. An adult Hostile once again attacked us with the weapon. Selfish!

Today: Some of the Hostiles enjoy sunning themselves, as we do, but they don’t like to share their rocks. Today I looked at the toilet and saw no one there. I decided to enjoy the flat rock beside it and perhaps to relieve myself. An adult Hostile was very quiet and had camouflaged itself very well. It was sunning itself on a thin, raised rock, but as soon as I made my way closer, it jumped off up to its usual erect, 2 limbed stature and startled me. I scampered over to the rocks by the sea as fast as my 4 limbs would carry me.  I spotted Grommet, who had just come down from the tree and was also startled. The Hostiles are lucky that they are big and have weapons. The adults are slow.

Today: Today some of us moved along to a new area. This area has no Great Nest and no smooth, flat surfaces. It does have lots of trees and shrubbery. Hostiles come here sometimes, but they don’t see us or even look for us. Some of them go onto the rocks by the sea, so we stay back in the trees. They are trying to catch the creatures that live in the sea, the fish, and they don’t seem to care about us. We may stay here until the food is gone.

Today: Today was not a good day. We weren’t even out of our hiding places yet when a gang of four-legged creatures came running around, sniffing us out. They are the creatures that associate with Hostiles, but they are much faster and they are able to catch us. I still shudder to think of the death of poor Zort, who was captured in the mouth of one of those creatures.  Some of us made it up into the trees, some out onto the rocks. I don’t know where we’ll go now.

Today: We have come back to the Great Nest. I think it’s a mistake. We only made it as far as the large flat rock that surrounds the toilet, when a Hostile began circling quickly with the weapon. It was very persistent, stabbing into the shrubs with the weapon and following all of us beyond our usual hiding places. We are only safe in the trees. The Hostiles cannot climb.

Today: I have been observing the Hostiles from a tall tree. I don’t think they can see me. This seems to be a large nest but we don’t see very many Hostiles. I thought maybe they prefer the dark phase, like the rats and mice, but sometimes we do see them sunning on the flat rock.

They are fragile creatures. They cover themselves and can’t walk on their uncovered feet on the sea rocks.

The hatchlings, as I previously observed, are helpless, but the juveniles seem more suited to this world than the adults. Not only are they fast and agile, they can swim and they don’t need coverings on their body or feet. They do have a very noisy form of communication, though.  This is fortunate for us, as it gives us ample warning when Hostiles are near. The juveniles are seldom without the adults.

Some Hostiles go into the sea. They can swim. Other Hostiles need to go to sea in a vessel.  Hostiles use another vessel for traveling on the roads. Those are dangerous to us. I have seen many of my kind that get killed on the roads by the Hostile vessels.

Today: The atmosphere has become more hostile than ever. Several Hostiles came and cut tree limbs and used very loud tools to shave the grass and blow leaves around. They are doing whatever they can to make this home unpleasant for us. The noise lasted for half of the warm sunshine phase.

Today: We have moved on again. It was very difficult but we were able to come out of the trees when the Hostiles were gone. When we thought we were safe, they were back, chasing us away from the toilet so they could go into it themselves. We have decided to relocate, somewhere with more trees and fewer Hostiles.

My young have stayed behind to start their own families at the old Great Nest. Before we leave I would like to make one last visit to the toilet.

Today: We have found a new home and it has an even bigger toilet! There are trees and water and even though there are Truly Great Nests, there are no Hostiles!

Sometimes we see Hostiles who come and clean our toilet, but they don’t immerse themselves. We stay in the trees out of their way and wait until they leave before we go to relieve ourselves. Their noisy communication gives us plenty of warning.

Today: The Truly Great Nests are truly wonderful. It seems that the larger the nest, the fewer Hostiles we see, and the less they care about chasing us away.

Today: The Hostiles are very friendly at this Truly Great Nest. They like us! I thought perhaps it was because they were getting to know me, as some Hostiles do become friends with our species. However, on close inspection, these Hostiles are possibly a different species. I think they are called Tourists.

I’m sure they’ll love it when my latest nest of eggs begins to hatch. The more the merrier!






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